Saturday, December 25, 2010

BF & Me

Not everyone is lucky to have smooth sailing in breastfeeding. I myself included. I did not have a good beginning. 

Fifi was born at 5.21pm 12 Jan 2010. Everything was going well until 3am, 13 Jan. She kept on waking up crying. I fed her again and again and again until I cried. Apsal dia nangis ni....teruk sangatkah aku? This went on until I was discharged on 13 Jan evening and I was brought back to my aunt's house in Bangi. She kept on crying. Kasi breasts, dia suck, tertido. Kejap lagi dia nangis. Tak boleh tidur nyenyak. Ya Allah. Nangis yang kuat, I didn't know what to do. When we were still in the hospital, the nurses ada offer formula milk, but I declined, believing that I could produce milk. I had milk in me. 

Sepanjang malam 13 Jan tu, Fifi menangis. Aku dengar perut dia bunyi. Aku rasa tu bunyi lapar. Tapi ntah lah. Aku mmg taktau nak buat apa. Makcik aku pon tak tau. Kasi air zam-zam je lagipon memang takde FM dalam rumah. Aku macam bodoh gila. The next morning, 14 Jan. Mak arrived to bring me back to Jasin. Fifi nangis lagi. Mak pon confused. Mak takde pengalaman susu tak keluar macam aku. Dia kata usually keluar je. Makcik pon sama. At first, aku ingatkan dia nak find comfort kat breast. Tapi tak. Sekejap dia diam tertidur, then dia nangis balik. Mungkin dia penat suck, dia tertidur. Akhirnya, aku try pump. Memang takde susu, cuma keluar colostrum. Amik dengan sudu, kasi dia. Sayang colostrum. 

Then we asked Wandy to buy FM. Mixed 1oz and fed Fifi. She drank it like crazy. Serious memang rupa lapar gila. Ya Allah. Aku hanya tahan air mata. Nak menangis segan. Orang ramai. Aku menangislah dalam bilik air. I starved my own child for more than 24 hours. Bayangkan...

My milk only came out when Fifi was 3 days old, 14 Jan 2010, lepas diurut siang tu. Itupon dia tak cukup. Malam 14 Jan/Pagi 15 Jan, dia nangis lagi. Buat lagi 1oz kasi lagi. Total FM yang Fifi consumed adalah 3oz. 1oz lagi masa aku pegi checkup kat HUKM, susu yang aku tinggalkan tak cukup untuk dia.

Nak tanya, kalau orang yang bersalin kat overseas tu camne eh? Especially negara yang tak berapa pro-bf. Takde urut2. Massage sendiri je la eh? Ish seram pulak bila fikir.

Until now, I cannot look at pictures taken when Fifi was in the hospital. Masa nurses bathed her, changed her. Dia nangis. Dia lapar. In fact, I arranged her pics by month, I rarely open the January 2010 folder. Sometime I shed tears when I breastfeed her to sleep at night. Betul tak tipu. Tak tau la sampai bila akan begini. 

Maka, aku selalu advice kawan2, sekiranya anda rasa anak anda lapar, tak cukup susu masa mula2 lepas bersalin, it is okay to feed her FM. Jangan sedih. Jangan jadi macam aku. As long as you give you child chances to breastfeed then tak cukup beri FM, I think it is okay. Sucking itu penting untuk penghasilan susu. Aku rase mcm aku too arrogant taknak kasi FM walaupon niat aku cuma, "aku kena yakin susu itu ada". Apa yang orang cakap, dalam buku tulis, tak semestinya setiap kata dan perkataan itu akan jadi dekat diri kita. Memang orang kata, yang penting niat kita nak breastfeed nanti susu tu ada sendiri je. AHHHHHHHH TIPU! I don't freaking believe it anymore. Aku believe in rezeki. 

From she was 3 days old sampai sekarang, she has been drinking my milk. Belum pernah lagi kasi FM. Tapi bekalan FM ada je kat dapur. Dalam kotak. Tak bukak pon lagi. Tapi dari 3 days old sampai 11 bulan ni takde la smooth pon. There were times when she refused jugak. She refused to be fed in certain way. So I needed to figure out other ways. Ada one time, dia takmau menyusu atas lap like we normally do. I never fed her sambil baring until she was 4-5 months old. Sejak dia takmau tu, I had to learn to feed sambil baring mengiring. Hehe. Kekok. Lepas tu, ada sekali dia takmau feed sambil baring pulak. So, try punya try pelbagai cara, last sekali dia nak aku lunjur kaki atas katil, letak kepala dia atas paha aku, dia nganga dan masukkan saja breast ke dalam mulut. T________T. Macam2 la.

I have been longing to write this but the sad memory menyebabkan aku malas. Macam tunggang terbalik sikit.

Sekian saja cerita. Semoga rezeki berpanjangan.

P/S: 17 days to 1 year old Fifi :)

ಌ Lin Ghazale

8 comments:

Mama Ardini said...

i had the same experience with you. hari ke 3 baru susu keluar. tu pon lepas urut. hari ke 4 dah melimpah ruah. alhamdulillah. so, while susu takde tu, aku bg FM. nasib baik mak mertua aku nurse & she knew what to do if the BM still blum keluar. aku pon kurang percaya dgn ckp org "penting niat kita nak breastfeed, nnt susu tu ada". agreed with u. believe in rezeki. :D

Lin Ghazale said...

Tulah. Mak aku pon nurse,dia kata ada susu mungkin tak cukup kot. Baby2 skrg ni. Haha. Dia tak stay dgn aku, ulang alik Melaka setiap hari je. Kalau dia ade, maybe dia dah suh beli FM awal2 lagi

Qas Firdaus said...

sekarang bila qas tgk amani ni kuat gilooo susu, sampai nak mandi kan dia pun mesti dia kena kenyang, otherwise lepas mandi nak pakai baju mestiiii dia meratap-ratap.

terus dapat kesimpulan malam kedua dia dekat hospital, since waktu doc melawat amani dah berak je, kencing belum so tak boleh balik. malam tu amani melalak n cuma akan diam bila disumbat susu. beria-ia dia nyonyot walhal qas tgk kolostrum je ade. tp misi ckp terus kan bagi. perghhh satu malammm bergantung nonstop. berhenti bila dia tetido tapi baru 5 minit letak dalam cot sambung balik nangis.

haihhh. qas pun lepas urut baru la susu mencurah2. sampai bengkak mcm nak demam.

Lin Ghazale said...

ha sama lah. cuma fifi start malam pertama dah nangis. perut dia siap dah grokk grokk grokk. akak tak sanggup lah tunggu sampai susu keluar. masa tu mana tahu nak keluar bila kan? kasi je la FM dulu.

kesian.

AbbyHakka said...

Salam Lin,

Somehow, Abby percaya stail/kaedah/prosedur ibu bersalin di M'sia ni yg buat susu Ibu lambat keluar, sampai breast bengkak-bengkak (to my point of view ya). Sebabnya, sebaik-baik kaedah adalah baby kita disua dengan boobs, semata-mata utk ransang susu ibu keluar. Dan ianya dilakukan selang beberapa minit or at least setengah jam selepas kita bersalin. And I truly believe this.

Tp Lin tahu je la kan, stail kt Msia ni camne. Kalau operate, lagilah. 1 hari lepas tu baru dpt jupe anak. Bagi yg normal pula, maybe mothers keletihan sgt sampai tak tertengok pun wajah anak (ada la beberapa pengakuan yg saya dgr) hehe...

Takpelah, apa pun, cepat atau lambat, saya sendiri kurang mahir and pasti. Surely, Allah knows best for us, both mummy and baby. Tapi mungkin juga boleh digunakan sekiranya kita bersalin lagi nanti. Sbb I believe, kaedah yg saya ckp tadi tu, satu USAHA jugak. Saya baca dari 1 buku parenting and me, tidak boleh tidak sangat bersetuju dgn cara tu.

:)

Anonymous said...

i am currently in US. Masa bersalin to our firstborn, we attended all sorts of classes host by the hospital. childbirth class, newborn care class, breastfeeding class. It does helped a lot.

Masa bersalin tu they usually ask if we want to bf or formula feed. I told them I want to bf. So, mmg diorg takkan bg formula. Baby keluar je terus bg I pegang & ask me to let him suck. lama jugak la dekat 40 mins. susu mmg takde lg but they'll leave u with the baby for a few hours.

bile dah settle down dlm bilik, they'll send the baby in for every feeding. and they watch u bf to make sure u do it right. in the morning a lactation consultant will come in and talk to u if u have any question or concern. really..really helped.

and from what i know, the first 24 hours, baby doesn't really need milk. perut diorg sgt kecik, a few drops will be enough. don't worry about fifi, u've come this far.. & she's still growing healthy right? :)

my first experience was a horrible one. with a reflux + colic baby.. handling it on my own from the first day (with mr husband, of course) rasa mcm nak gila pun ade. lol..the most sleep i get is probably 2-3 hours per day here and there..with my baby in my hand..

pjg gile pulak cerita. i'll stop here :)q

yumyum said...

uish , touching gila aku baca entry nih. betul susu tu rezeki masing2. yg penting usaha kan,
give yourself a pat, bf momma!

aku pulak tgh berkira2 nak weaning ni, nak cukup bulan islam dah heheh.

boleh x MIL aku kata kat aku - "heh cakap boleh la, ingat senang ke nak benti susu kalau dah minum sampai dua tahun?" . HANGINNNNN.dulu sokong bagai, bila aku bf lama dia condemn pulak. xpaham tul. haha tiba2 emo plak.
anyways ganbatte for many2 months to go! :)

Lin Ghazale said...

cikyam,MIL hang mmg pelik2.haha.kalau ikut dia berapa lama bf? inlaws standard ekeke. nanti kalau kau dah berjaya wean, share la sikit. fifi still bf to sleep. ade la certain2 cara/masa dia bole tertido. dlm stroller/ergo/dukung/kalau adik aku tepuk2 dalam kete/dgr lagu. kalau aku yang tepok2, dia nak jgk t3t3k tu. kalau dlm rumah ni,toksah la harap.

anon,which part of us do u stay? tulah,baca2 kata first 24 hours baby tak perlu susu byk lagi. masalahnya fifi mcm perlu. perot bunyi2. kesian. mcm kene paksa puasa. or maybe i wasnt producing milk at all. so tak cukup. mmg takde susu lgsg pon, kluar air kuning2 je. takpelah. dah 11 bulan berlalu. skrg dia sihat dan active. let's pk pasal susu utk masa depan. haha.